How to Make a Cranky Matojo – Healer Edition

WoW_Ladies got me off on a little tangent, of course, so I figured I’d expand here.

I can be a pretty cranky healer (some days, I even reach Angry Healer level). For some of my friends, that’s the appeal of having me along – if people are being idiots I’ll say so and I occasionally pay enough attention to be able to give pointers on what to do (whether or not people actually listen to me, I don’t know). When I’m not running into pats. Or getting lost. Or jumping around. Or dancing. Or spacing out. Or being chewed on by the cat (“NO SIMON NO NOT WHILE I’M HEALING AUGH MY FEETS – theregoesmymouse”). For the most part, I’m pretty chill.

But there are ways to wind up on my shit list, oh yes, and some of them are fairly common for most healers.

  1. Don’t run back after a wipe, just wait for me to rez you. That is, after all, what my mana is for, right? You might as well save your mana and food for soloing! I’ll just take my time getting to you. First, I’ll have to drink – gotta have full mana to rez the lazy bastard! – and then play with the cat. Oh, and feed the cat. And rescue the dude that got lost on his way back. And and and…
  2. Don’t eat or drink. My mana, after all, is endless and there’s no way in hell that I pay the same amount of in-game currency for my stacks of water and food as you. Besides, it’s not like you have anything better to do while waiting for me to get my health and mana back, nope. Standing around with your thumb up your ass is a much better use of your time.
  3. “Rez plz. Rez plz. Can I get a rez?” OH! How silly of me, I didn’t notice that your health bar was empty and that you were lying on the floor THANKS FOR REMINDING ME. I NEVER WOULD HAVE KNOWN TO REZ YOU IF YOU DIDN’T ASK. YOU KNOW, IF MY HEAD WASN’T STUCK BETWEEN MY SHOULDERS I WOULD FORGET THAT TOO, LULZ AND SO FORTH.
  4. Treat other party members – especially those who have my guild tag above their heads (<Harbingers of War> and <The Refuge>, respectively) – like shit. Bonus points if it’s the tank and his name is Wyat/Sorchia/Shaliandra or Rikua or Violeta/Cyael or Douzer and his disguises.
  5. Please tell me how to do my job, because I obviously haven’t been healing for ages and don’t know my head from my ass.
  6. Trigger events if you’re not the tank. Go ahead, do it. I hear the floor is nice this time of year.

So, dear other party members, if you’re a decent human being with only a small stupid streak, I’ll be decent right back!

What do other players have to do to wind up on your shitlist, readers?

categories Healer Hymns, Looking For Asshats/Group, Matojo is a Snarky Bitch, My Other Mount is a Troll, RAGE | admin | datetime January 22, 2010 3:40 pm

6 Comments

  • By Crankyhealer, January 22, 2010 @ 5:12 pm

    Three words send me into an irrational rage: “Heal through it.”

    No no no! Don’t STAND in it. Moron.

  • By Askevar, January 22, 2010 @ 6:58 pm

    “Well I’m the healer I’m obviously not tanking it”

    Me: “Then why did you pull?”

    “Oh I thought you were right behind me.”

  • By Tam, January 25, 2010 @ 5:51 am

    *All of the above* – gah!

    But also the following:

    Me: “mb after the next pull please.”
    Tank: “you’ll be fine.”

    I’ll be the judge of that thank you.

    And the tank running off and pulling while I’m not in range.

    I’m getting antsy with fury just thinking about it!

  • By Kaethir, January 26, 2010 @ 11:44 am

    @Tam: Actually, I think there is one kind of tank that can say “you’ll be fine” and actually mean it – I always watch my healer’s mana and innervate in between pulls if they need it, ‘cuz I’m a bear and I’m just cool like that :)

  • By Brutha, February 1, 2010 @ 10:13 pm

    Number 3. Oh, number 3. If I’m healing a Pit of Saron, and you have a go at the tank (which is my mother), lets see how fast you die the next time you stand in the goo/target the wrong mob/show how much of an asshat you are.

    Also, “fail to follow simple instructions.” “Please don’t get in front of the tank.” “We will be halting at the revenant, please don’t dps until then.” “Assist the tank.” /rage at people who ignore this.

    Say “gogogogogo.” Oh you wanted to go faster? Guess I should switch to shadow, then!

Other Links to this Post

  1. He is D, delirious, he is I, incredible, he is S, superficial, he is C, complicated at Righteous Orbs — January 25, 2010 @ 8:40 am

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