“I Don’t Mean To…” Is Not A Magic Ticket Out of Deep Shit

In the dramas that have cropped up over the last month-and-a-bit, I’ve noticed some patterns. I’ve noticed this with regard to the user on Thoriumbrotherhood.net who threw a fit over a channel ban, or the other user that felt the need to bitch about how the forum was run, I’ve noticed this with how BBB has handled his whatever-it-is and I’ve generally just seen it um, everywhere.

Guys, if you have to say, “I don’t mean to stir up shit/cause drama/hurt feelings BUT” and then you say something that is worded to do just that – that’s exactly what you mean. I have a PhD in passive-aggressive bullshit, I know these things. The people that you are saying this to are not stupid and know bullshit when they see it.

If you do not want to cause problems and your issue is with one person or a small group, contact them directly. Do not place blame, be as neutral and non-confrontational as possible.

I have seen the following things happen over the past month and I would like to use these examples to teach you people why they are not conducive to avoiding drama.

1. A forum user is informed, privately, that he exhibited inappropriate behaviour and is informed of the penalty for his actions. The user then posts to the forums with a volatile diatribe about how he should not be punished for his actions and how he will never return to the forum again. He also makes a point of bashing the individual that informed him of the penalty.

   Drama Avoidance Failure: Throwing a temper tantrum in public when a decision is made that one does not agree with.

   Alternative Measures: Instead, respond directly to the individual that issued the warning – include other forum moderators (if any exist) or administrators in the message (I can’t think of a private messaging system that does not have the capability to handle multiple message recipients). Be calm, clear and concise – remember, being reprimanded for actions on a forum or in a chat channel on the internet is not the end of the world.

2. A user on a forum has an issue with a particular moderator. Instead of speaking to the moderation team about his problem, he posts to the forum stating that it isn’t his intention to cause drama, but accuses the individual of being “mean”, “power-hungry” and “rude” while demanding a change in the moderatorship of the forum.

   Drama Avoidance Failure: Publicly slamming a member of an online community as well as the moderator team.

   Alternative Measures: Speak to the individual one has a problem with first, then take it to other moderators. Tossing an accusatory message out into the open without making any attempt at dialogue with the people that can fix it is not the way to solve an issue – it only serves to cause ill feelings and can go toward making issues worse.  As with example one, be calm and clear, it is important not to be rude.

3. An individual posts on their public blog about guild drama. Now, this is… expected in the blogging community. This sort of thing happens. However, when the other sides of the story begin to be revealed, the blogger begins to delete commentary that does not agree with him (which is his right) and then tells readers to confront him privately instead of in public, despite having made the matter public himself.

   Drama Avoidance Failure: Expecting others to deal with an issue privately after airing it in all its ugly glory, fishing for sympathy.

   Alternative Measures: Nobody needs to know everything and some problems are best dealt with among those that were involved. Do not give too much detail if you absolutely have to post about it, and be as mature and neutral as possible. If there were left-over issues, communicate privately with those that were involved.

Phrases To Look Out For:

“I don’t mean to be rude, but…” – Translation: “I know that what I’m going to say will be rude and I am covering my ass.”

“I don’t mean to cause drama, but…” – Translation: “I know that what I’m going to say will cause drama and I am covering my ass.”

“I don’t mean to start shit, but…” – Translation: “I know that what I’m going to say will start shit and I am covering my ass.”

Notice a pattern, yet?

Sometimes, we can’t avoid drama. Sometimes it bites us in the ass so quickly that we didn’t even see it coming. Other times, it can be seen from a mile away and you’d have to be a fucking idiot not to be able to get out of the way.

In those cases, here’s what’s important:

• Pick your words carefully. Sometimes, something as simple as not being an asshole can prevent a shitload of drama.
• Watch what you share.
• Don’t call in the cavalry.
• Don’t demand of others what you aren’t willing to do yourself.
• Be non-confrontational.
• Speak directly to the problem, don’t broadcast to the masses.

This can’t guarantee that drama will be avoided, but for some of the obvious shit? Every little bit helps.

TL;DR – Lately I have seen some obnoxious, obvious drama-bait. Most people aren’t stupid – we know what you really mean when you say “I don’t mean _____ but…”

To Each Their Own

The topic of ERP has come up (pun unintended) quite a bit in my RP community. For those that aren’t aware, ERP refers to “erotic role-play”, which tends to be the butt of roleplay-server-related jokes.

Truth be told, a lot of people in various roleplay communities have an unhealthy fear of erotic roleplay that borders on fascination – people are very, very quick to judge those that may partake of this activity and vehemently deny, deny, deny any interest that they may have.

I’m gonna be blunt here, folks: the more one cries out against an activity while, at the same time, being extremely curious and fascinated by it, the less I believe that they think it’s bad.

I have participated in intimate roleplay. I occasionally enjoy it, though I haven’t actually pulled any off in quite a while (usual RP partners off having lives, me getting eaten alive by PvE fever, my RP not generally leading in the direction of sexytiems OR the characters that do go that way are characters I’m not comfortable following into their bedrooms) and I’m pretty indifferent to what other people want to do with their time. The things that I’m noticing when I see people rail against erotic roleplay are the following:

• Internalized misogyny: Female characters that are dressed in “revealing” clothing are pointed out first, and often as “fishing for ERP”. Slut-shaming abounds. Would the same questions and shaming arise if the character happened to be male?
• Closet fascination: Many times, the people that I see that express disgust over this activity also seem to be very, very fascinated by the concept. They think it’s wrong and horrible but they want to hear about everything to do with it.
• An unhealthy view of sex: Adults regarding sex in the same way that the pre-fifteen crowd does tends to worry me just a little.

To the RP community’s credit, at least we don’t have “ERP ruins the ~meaning~ of sex and makes 14-year-olds pregnant!”-guy anymore.

When this topic is brought up I tend to cringe. I know that slut-shaming is on its way, along with the usual tsking, and it’s disappointing that people that otherwise take pride in being mature, well-adjusted adults are so bloody childish when it comes to this.

I’m not gonna re-hash what others have said regarding double standards, internalized misogyny/sexism and slut-shaming when they really did say it better (I will also take recommendations for other articles).

“Oh, that’s disgusting! … Tell me more.”

Often when a potential ERPer is spotted, the spotter announces this to the channel. The rational and well-adjusted among us respond simply with, “So what?” and move on with our lives, while the others’ reactions vary from “OMG! What are they wearing?” to “What are they doing?” to “Omg you should hit on them”. People want to know as much detail as possible. It becomes a serious case of voyeurism that is… both hilarious and sad to watch.

It’s natural for people to gravitate toward a train wreck in order to watch the carnage.

With that said, this type of behaviour makes me want to say, look, if you’re that interested, stop fucking denouncing the activity and just admit it. You’re a voyeur. Intimate roleplay interests you. You secretly like smut. We get it. No amount of insistence of your disgust over it is going to prove otherwise.

Matojo Says: “For fuck’s sake, people, grow up already.“

Guess what? Intimate roleplay is exactly like other forms of erotica in that it’s a natural byproduct of a culture that… likes sex. There’s nothing wrong with it, especially not if one is interested in, say, erotic stories or art. Or porn. Some of the exact same people that have no problem with erotic literature or art are the very same folks that bash erotic roleplay and those that partake of it.

Guys? It’s the same shit, it’s just a different medium.

Grow the fuck up already.

What Matojo Thinks

I occasionally ERP. It’s another tool in my character development toolbox and it has (sometimes unfortunately) shed some light on some of my characters’ personality quirks and why they are the way they are (although very little can explain Ojore aside from if your siblings were murdered in a Quintaglio-esque culling you, too, would be fucked up). It is not the focus of my RP, though I have absolutely no issue with smut for smut’s sake. Sometimes, it’s hilarious (Dybo: Ticking Timebomb Extraordinaire), and yes I’m a horrible person.

There is nothing wrong with erotic roleplay. To each their own, and if the idea of somebody including sex in their pretendy fun-times is that much of a threat in one’s mind, they need to grow the fuck up. You’re adults, for fuck’s sake – sex-related talk should not be met with highschooler derision and flailing.

TL;DR Erotic Roleplay is just like roleplay, but there’s sex in it. Oh noes. Grow the fuck up. Blah blah blah misogyny, slut-shaming, double standards, sex is not icky you fuckwads.

Sometimes, Bad is Bad

Huey Lewis & The News – Bad Is Bad

It’s true.

Bad attitudes, bad playing, bad roleplay – sometimes, no matter how much you try to say otherwise, it’s just bad.

Maybe this guy’s new to tanking, maybe this guy had never played a rogue before, maybe this guy’s trying out a new spec, maybe this hunter is jerking our chains and equipping spell penetration gems to make us think she’s an idiot, maybe Xena the Night Elf Warrior Princess is new to RP and doesn’t realize that “half-Tauren princess of the Sparklehorn Tribe” is a shitty idea.

Or, maybe, they’re all just bad.

You and I, we’ve all known folks that just… we wanted to give ‘em the benefit of the doubt, but we couldn’t. Eventually we had to admit that they sucked. No matter how often they were coddled, given advice, talked to – it didn’t matter. There was no improvement.

At that point, folks, there’s no sense wasting more energy. Everything that can be done without bodily harm has been done, you can’t fix the genuinely stupid or – in some cases – the genuine asshole.

There is a fellow in your community that automatically disagrees with certain people, attacks ideas with the ferocity of a caged, starving wildcat and regularly makes a meal of his own foot. He doesn’t listen when it’s suggested that his behaviour is borderline, nor does he make apologies – as far as he’s concerned, he is how he is and there’s nothing to be done.

Honey, he’s bad.

There is a person in your community who acts as if he is the Gods’ gift to the roleplay community. He is territorial about possible events competing with his, he exhibits troll-like behaviour on the forums, baits the members, gets whiny when people aren’t participating in his events or guild and is generally a bother. He has had his difficulties pointed out but refuses to see an issue.

Yeah, he’s bad.

There is a tank in your raid group that feels she is entitled to the best of the gear, but frequently has issues holding aggro. She seems to think that she should be the raid group’s sole tank and gets pissy when other candidates are introduced. She is not willing to do anything for the good of the raid – it’s all about her.

Yep, she’s bad.

Cool is a rule but sometimes, just sometimes, bad is bad. Not in the Mario Cipollina “bad boy” way, either – genuine, no-good, horrendously shitty bad.

What do we do about it? There really isn’t a damned thing, in most cases – grin, bear it, and continue to avoid these people like the plague that they are. This game has a big self preservation portion to it, too, that folks tend to forget about. Remember: If the game ain’t fun for you, then somethin’s gotta give.

Apologies to Huey Lewis and the News and Mario Cipollina for inclusion in a WoW blog, but I only provide the best to my readers.

Fuckwad of the Week: Malique of Argent Dawn, Tanking ~*Diva*~

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

Okay.

I have a protip for everybody out in WoW-Land.

BELOW 80, AS LONG AS SHIT IS DYING YOUR DPS DOES NOT MATTER. IT DOES NOT MATTER. I DON’T GIVE A FUCK IF YOU’RE DOING 100 DPS AT LEVEL 65, IF THE INSTANCE IS GETTING CLEARED, GREAT. AWESOME.

Let me re-iterate:

YOUR DPS BELOW LEVEL 80 DOES NOT MATTER.

IT DOES. NOT. FUCKING. MATTER.

There is absolutely no fucking need to post Recount (which, IIRC, is still broken in cross-realm LFG), bitch at the DPS to pick it up, and then throw a fit when you are told to forget about it because shit is dying. Honey, nobody gives a fuck how much damage you’re doing compared to everybody else. Continuing with snarky commentary about folks increasing their DPS (nobody’s died, who the fuck cares?) is not helpful. Going on a “smoke break” and expecting people to kick you instead of just leaving yourself so you can avoid the debuff? Even shittier.

It’s difficult enough finding tanks, let along being one, but that does not give you license to be an absolute dipshit toward a group that, until you started publically stroking your e-peen, wasn’t having any problems.

Malique marks the first person to wind up on my ignore list on Zul’jin.

As somebody with a tanking main, I am damned pissed to have to deal with such a fucking diva and will be happy to never have to run with such a dick ever again. Holy shit.

AND YOU LOT WONDER WHY I HATE PEOPLE.

On a plus note, Neo-something from Arthas? You have a bright tanking future ahead of you. Keep it up. Watching wee warriors tank for the first time, take advice (that they asked for) gracefully and generally be absolute sweethearts is awesome. I salute you, sir, even if I’m shitty with names.

Tool of the Day: Koonaki, The Strong, Silent Type

Ladies and gentlemen (and not-so-gentle-men), today, Matojo lets you all hear her tell you who’s the fucking tool. Put your hands together, put your headphones on, and pardon the sound quality of the first ever Troll Bouquet Tool of the Day Voice Post.

Matojo vs. The Healer That Tried to Kill Her

Tool of the Day: Hey Dumbass! The Best DPSers WATCH THEIR AGGRO.

The Vengeance battlegroup has, for the most part, been fairly good for me in the 70-80 stretch. Heroics have been decent because my luck in this area is great and I LAY DOWN THE LAW relatively quickly. Earlier this week, I dusted off my Death Knight, Gahiji, to give him some heroic love – and got into Heroic Utgarde Keep.

We got a highly geared, overconfident mage with an asshole streak a mile wide.

It was the typical set of “Gogogo” that I’ve come to expect from dipshits, mind, and I think the group started to equate “The mage is talking” with “the tank is slowing down” and repeatedly told him to shut up whenever he’d start up again.

The Signs of a Tool:

• “Gogogo!” “Hurry up” “omg pull faster” – Guys, the tank sets the pace. Shut up and go along with it. This is most frustrating coming from a healer.
• Pulling before the tank – don’t do it. You will be allowed to die and the tank will cackle gleefully.
• NOT WATCHING AGGRO – if you’re ICC geared and your tank’s only piece of gear past iLevel 200 is hir necklace, be a good dude and watch yourself. Not everyone is in these instances for shits and giggles – SOME OF US ARE GEARING.

So, mage whose name I can’t remember, you got off lucky. You would pull, then run back toward me and force me to grab the mob before it ate the healer (because healer was far more generous than I). I couldn’t kill you that way. You seriously believe that the best evar DPS are supposed to win at threat and not watch their aggro. Overall, you were an asshole, and I was very pleased when the vote to kick you went through about three pulls before Ingvar.

Guess what, asshole? You are Troll Bouquet’s Tool of the Day.

Protip: Good DPS watch their threat, don’t pull before the tank and actually, you know, aren’t dicks.

I Am Not Hardcore. :(

It took me ’til the last major content patch – you know, when ICC was added – to hit 2k Spellpower in any form on Grindal.

But I had nearly 30% Holy crit.

I have a crit addiction, I admit it. I get excited when I see crit on my healers’ gear and I might even drool a little. My heart goes pitter-patter (or maybe that’s from being a fat chick, I don’t know) when a new piece of gear gives me an additional point or two of that delicious, delicious crit or I see that I’m being healed by a Disc Priest or Shaman (Holy pallies don’t exist).

Grindal had been looking for Int and Crit pieces, gemming for Spellpower and generally being a little “meh” about Haste – sure, Haste is nice and I know I need to hit the soft cap, but it’s not exciting. If my healing has ever wiped a group, it’s been because of slow reaction time, not low Haste (or uh, the cat, or not targeting the right person). He has a higher mana pool than the other Disc priest I used to regularly run with, though I haven’t played him in forever, and, well, I keep getting told I’m good at what I do.

Now that my Crit is close to 30% I’ll be piling on the Spellpower. In fact, that’s a stat that I can’t imagine any healing class not wanting, and when I see commenters on WoW.com crowing about Haste over Spellpower for Shamans I am confused. Okay, you cast faster and your global cooldowns are better, but um, what about raw healing power? Delicious crits? Is it a matter of supplementing what’s not on the gear? Maybe my little non-raiding brain can’t handle the logic behind this idea, I don’t know.

Or maybe these people are bitter about not being the Resto columnist and are venting their rage on a series of 101 Articles. For fuck’s sake.

I think, when it comes to styles of healing or tanking there’s a little more wiggle room when it comes to stat preferences. If your heals need to come fast and furious, you’ll concentrate on Haste. If you need your heals to hit harder when they come, Spellpower. If you like crits, you get the idea. Even with this said, if you’re a Paladin or Shaman stacking Spirit, you are bad and I do not like you.

I won’t pretend to know whether or not this works from a raiding perspective because my raiding experience is limited to easy shit, I mean, Sarth with no Drakes up. That isn’t exactly rocket science. That’s “stay out of the fire and pray lag doesn’t eat you” and “don’t hop into the lava you idiotfuck”.

As a tank, I’m trying two things: On one DK, I’m going for avoidance, I’m looking for gems, enchants and gear that will make things hit me less often while on other DKs and my warriors, I’m going for health pool. I love Avoidance tanks. Does this make me a failure? I dunno. I’ll let you know when my squishy ass wipes a group due to being squishy.

Oh. Wait…

As an aside, for the love of Djehuty stop sucking EJ cock, seriously. They’re one fucking resource not the be-all, end-all of everything.

This Just In: Words Mean Something

I was going to go into a long diatribe about how much internalized misogyny the wow_ladies community suffers from and how irritating it is that people are stuck on the “BUT WORDS EVOLVE AND CHANGE” argument when they’re called on offensive statements (is it really that hard to look up the word you’re called on, apologize for what happened and move on instead of expecting other people to do the legwork for you? Really?), but instead I’ll leave you with the above handy-dandy macro. If you’d like a copy of it, it is located on my Photobucket’s Macros folder.

So. Gaming community. Words. They have meanings. LOOK THEM UP. Your personal definitions mean NOTHING when you are dealing with communities that have populations that are larger than your circle of friends.

Tool of the Day: It’s a Cornucopia of Fuckery

Back at'cha, Princess(es).

To be quite honest, I have lots of material – mostly from LFG – for Tools for this week. I mean, lots. I’ve been leveling my Gnome Warrior over on Zul’jin for most of the weekend, so a new battle group means new stupids (but new awesome people and I need to know what a good title for “Awesome Dudes of the Day/Week/Month” is), especially from the perspective of a tank.

I mean, not to say DPS and healers don’t experience fuckery – we do. Oh Gods, we do. Hello, DK tank that rides the threat meters just slightly above a Frost Mage whose only good aspect is that she’s at the hit cap.

This, however, is a completely different kettle of fish.

The Love is in the Air event has added an instance achievement that we’re all familiar with but that I really didn’t experience first-hand (because this? It isn’t the first of its kind) until this year. Prince Keleseth, as well as two other bosses, drops one of two bouquets – Ebon and Red, or something – and the bouquet is part of the meta achievement that goes toward the title and the drake. However, this isn’t the part that’s the problem.

It’s the fucking level 80s that queue into the regular version of the instance and then drop once (if) they win the bouquet.

I am, inevitably, the tank on these runs (because the two toons I’ve been running through this content are tanks, a Feral druid and a Frost Dual Wield Death Knight) and they have both been Retribution Paladins, so I wind up fighting them on the threat meters the entire time they’re in group until I think, “Fuck it, I’m not taunting off him, I’m level 70/72 and he’s fucking 80 and in Tier gear.” Then we hit Kel, Kel drops, so does the bouquet and… poof, dude drops group.

What the hell, man.

You queued up with us lowbies, you made us fight your aggro and now you leave us one member short in an at-level instance whose boss fights are a bitch if you’re lacking in DPS. Fuck you and the horse you rode in on.

You, achievement-chasing serial group-dropping fuckwits, are the Tools of the Day. Sit on an Armadillo and spin.

At least, when my Death Knight goes chasing this achievement, he’s going in all his defense-capped glory as a tank and I’m stickin’ out the entire thing, because that’s the non-dickish thing to do.

Tool of the Day: BratTank

In the mornings, I listen to Q107 with John Derringer and the gang and am usually in tears somewhere between Oshawa and Ajax from laughing so hard. This morning, John announced that he was no longer going to do the “Tool of the Day” because his heart just wasn’t in it – as he got older, he had less to be angry about.

Since I’m still young and full of rage, I figured, why not do it myself for a WoW-centric audience? So, Mr. Derringer, I salute you – thanks for the morning laughs and the inspiration.

And everybody who reads Troll Bouquet knows that I have way, way more than enough material to fuel the fire, right? If you don’t, well, damn, pay attention.

Last night was my first time healing as Taashti, Disc Priest of the Sexy Tail, and I did a damned good job of it if I do say so m’self (yaaay bubbles!). In one of the final pulls of Mana Tombs, the tank did not pull back and folk kept getting feared into other groups, so it was a wipe. Up to this point the tank had been whining incessantly about his bad luck with greed rolls, then was capslocking over getting feared and finally, as I was running back, he wanted to be rezzed.

“Well,” said I, as I waggled my ghostly – yet ample – spacegoat butt in the vague direction of the instance, “since I’m dead and running, you better run yer arse back, too.” This was complete with the razzy-face and everything!

In true Melodrama Queen form, the tank flipped, stating that if I wasn’t going to rez him he would leave, and oh wouldn’t that be just tragic? Losing him, wouldn’t it be such a horrible, horrible thing? We would be so devestated, and would have to wait forever for a new tank! The horrors!

Well, that kicked in my Fite Response (which has been enhanced by irritated spine and hip joints and tight back muscles), and I responded in the affirmative: If I run, you run, and by the time I actually find the freaking instance you’ll be inside and alive anyway. He dropped group, the remaining two DPS reiterated that the tank was a brat, I found the instance entrance and we re-queued. A new tank and DPS were found less than five minutes later, I rezzed the poor, lost Warlock (Note To Pugs: “I can’t find my way back in!” guarantees a rez when the healer can get to you. “Rez me”, however, does not) and we finished off the instance with a much more intelligent tank.

You, BratTank-Whose-Name-I-Don’t-Remember, are the first Tool of the Day for Troll Bouquet.